The curious case of the (not so) accidental dick pic
by weestarmeggie
Summary: Harry supposed it had all started with the dick pic. Then realised that no, it had most definitely started the night he'd come home from a night out after auror training so pent up and stressed, that when he'd walked past Hermione's bedroom and heard her moaning like something out of a porno, that he'd been unable to get off to anything else since.


**A/N: This is a gift fic for Riverwriter. This year has been insane, but you have been there for me through every single bit of it. I love you so much - more than words can say and I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it. And to everyone else reading - i hope you enjoy it too. No Alpha or beta because i couldn't ask her to check her own (surprise) gift so all mistakes are my own.**

* * *

Harry supposed it had all started with the dick pic.

Then realised that no, it had most definitely started the night he'd come home from a night out after auror training so pent up and stressed, that when he'd walked past Hermione's bedroom and heard her moaning like something out of a porno that he'd been unable to get off to anything else since.

And it was definitely the sight of her in a pair of shorts and one of his old ratty t-shirts only minutes before that finally made him crack. And so he'd hopped in the shower to rid himself of the erection that was all her fault.

He took himself in hand and almost cried with relief when he swiped the pad of his thumb over the head of it once, twice, before he slid his hand down the turgid length and finally relaxed.

He thought about how nice it would be to have someone (Hermione, but she was his best friend and would never) here to help take care of his problem and scrambled around to summon his mobile from his discarded jeans to take a picture that would _hopefully _entice Pansy - someone he'd on occasion fooled around with - to come over.

She was usually always up for a laugh, but just as Harry was about to send it to her, he had a wicked thought and sent it instead to his best friend.

It took him approximately three minutes and an orgasm later for the realisation of what he'd done to crash through him.

* * *

Hermione was so shocked by what she was looking at, that not even the sound of Harry crashing through the house was enough to distract her.

Of course, she'd seen Harry naked on more than one occasion but there was a slight difference in catching a glimpse of your best friend changing when you were both sharing a tent for the better part of a year compared to opening a text and being confronted by his long, thick, slightly curved, erect penis. It was not the same.

At all.

She blinked - just to make sure what she was seeing was real - and then Harry burst through her door and she dropped the phone to stare at him, towel wrapped hastily around his waist but otherwise bare.

"Oh God!" He groaned, slumping onto her bed and covering his face with his hands. He peeked at her through his fingers. "You already opened it."

She flushed red at his obvious embarrassment and nodded. "Sorry."

He waved her off and stood, clutching with one hand at the towel. "My fault. Finger slipped."

She snorted up at him. "Ah ha."

"I'll just be-"

"Of course," she grinned, standing to close the door after him. She watched him clamber back up the stairs then gently closed her door and leaned against it, one hand coming to rest against her breastbone as her heart beat fiercely within her chest and groaned.

Fate truly had it in for her. Bad enough that she'd spent the past six months pining after her best friend but now she knew what he looked like beneath the towel. How was that fair?

She fell back onto her bed and tried to relax.

Tried to forget how good how best friend looked like naked.

Tried to ignore the wetness pooling in her knickers, but then she remembered that even though Harry had obviously burst in to stop her from opening that picture, in his embarrassment, he'd forgotten to delete it.

She glared at her phone and chewed on her non existent fingernails as she deliberated whether or not this was a line she wanted to cross.

Sure, she'd gotten herself off to fantasies of Harry before but now...Now she _knew _what she was missing out on.

She scrambled under her pillow for her wand and threw up her privacy wards without a thought before shuffling under her duvet and pulling the picture up again.

Her eyes fluttered shut as her fingers swept through her folds and she bit her lip as she imagined Harrys instead.

* * *

It was hard to tell who was more embarrassed the next morning in the kitchen. Harry was leaning against the worktop eating a slice of toast, shirt riding up his taut, muscular stomach that Hermione had spent the night dreaming about licking, when she entered the kitchen.

"There's some tea left in the pot," he murmured and she mumbled a quick thanks as she tossed her hair up into a ponytail and wandlessly poured herself a cup.

"Will you be home for dinner?" She asked taking sips of tea between packing her bag. She looked up when he didn't say anything and found him simply staring at her. "Harry?" She said, clicking her fingers and startling him back to reality.

He blinked before wincing at the hot tea that spilled over his hand. "What? Oh. No," he said, flicking his gaze to the cup in his hands. "I have a date with Pansy."

"Oh." She swallowed and went back to her own tea.

Of course.

Pansy.

Probably who he'd meant to send the picture too last night. She nodded and stood from the table. "Cool." She looked up to find him, staring at her with an inscrutable look once again and frowned at him. "Are you ok?"

He nodded without meeting her gaze. "Yeah. I'll see you later."

She frowned at him, and mumbled "later," before turning on her heel and escaping to work.

* * *

Cormac cornered her in their departments break room later that afternoon. It wasn't the first time the wizard had approached her but it was the first time she took a minute to appreciate that he'd grown up since they'd been at school.

He was taller now, his shoulders broader and whilst his smirk had always been cocky edging on leery, it was more confident now and perhaps Hermione had never given him a real chance when they'd been at school because she'd been hung up on _Ron _of all people.

And so, when he entered the small kitchenette that afternoon, raked his gaze over her and smirked at her like she was a piece of meat, she thought of how Harry had no interest in her and would be seeing Pansy later that night and smirked right back.

"Cormac." She greeted with a nod.

"Granger."

"How's things?"

He blinked in visible surprise before he shuffled closer. "They're good. Williams is giving me hell about the McDonald case but," he shrugged. "Nothing new there. How are you?" He chanced a glance at her and Hermione's tongue flicked out to lick her lips. "Seeing anyone?" She shook her head and smirked when he took a step closer. "Want to go for dinner then?"

She dipped her head and grinned into her cup before smiling brightly up at him. "That would be lovely Cormac. Swing by my office at say, six and we can head to The Black Cat."

She didn't give him a chance to reply, simply strode from the break room and back to her office, grinning. A grin that slid right off her face when she saw Harry sitting in her office waiting for her.

"Thought I could take you to Lunch," he said, standing and offering her coat. "I feel bad that I'm skippin-"

"I'm going to Dinner with Cormac." She blurted out.

"Cormac?" He stared at her before he began to blink suddenly. "Mclaggen?" He exclaimed. "Seriously?"

Hermione felt her hackles rise and crossed her arms as she fixed him with a pointed look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's McLaggen."

"And?"

He simply stared at her, before standing abruptly and crossing the room towards her. "You're way too good for him." She snorted and he glared at her. "You are."

"Ok. Great. I said I was going to dinner with him, not that I planned on taking his last name and having his children."

"So you're not going to sleep with him?"

Her nostrils flared and she quietly wondered if he had always been this dumb with girls or if recently he'd been spending too much time with Ron, because that was something she'd expect their redheaded best friend to say, but never Harry.

"I don't know," she said quietly, very aware of her open office door and the heavy traffic that made up the DMLE, "not that it's any of your business either way. I'm twenty four and single. I can fuck," she popped the K and felt a thrill of satisfaction at his rapidly paling face, "whomever I want. I don't need anyone's permission. Especially not yours Harry."

"Fuck. Listen I'm sorry. I don't know-"

"Just go." She said, stepping out of the doorway and crossing the room to sit behind her desk. She didn't look up at him. "Don't you have a date with Pansy to get ready with?"

He stood there for a few minutes, openly gaping at her, but her hands were shaking in her lap so she curled them into fists in an effort to stop them. When he eventually left, she had the sickest feeling twisting in her stomach.

* * *

Cormac took her to The Black Cat and they had a lovely meal but Hermione knew - and bless his Gryffindor heart, Cormac did too - that nothing was going to happen.

Didn't stop him from apparating them back to Grimmauld place and escorting her to the front door.

"I really did have a lovely time Cormac. It was nice to catch up, even if - "

"Even if I'm not coming in to shag you senseless against the front door," he smirked down at her. She rolled her eyes and stepped over the threshold.

"Would you like to use the floo?"

"That'd be great," he grinned, whistling lowly as they walked down the hallway. "Merlin. Some of these codgers really don't like you do they."

Hermione snorted and wiggled her fingers in greeting to the portraits they passed as they headed for the downstairs lounge. "Harry thinks it's hilarious that the House of Black is being lived in by the pair of us."

She opened the door and stopped, jolting forward when Cormac ran into the back of her.

"Oh. Shit sorry Harry," Hermione muttered. Harry was sitting alone at what looked to be set up for a candlelight dinner for a romantic night in. "I thought you were heading out."

He looked from here to Cormac, his face morphing from a bright smile to a scowl as he glanced back at her before he muttered something so quietly not even Hermione could hear before he was storming out of the room, shoving into her date in the process. Hermione blinked after him before turning to face Cormac. "Sorry." She muttered, grimacing. "I have no clue what that was about." She crossed the room, Cormac following diligently, and proffered him the floo powder.

"Thanks. I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

She nodded, her eyes flicking to the door. "Yes. Have a nice evening."

As soon as he disappeared she climbed the stairs and came to a stop outside of Harry's room, frowning when she tried the handle and found the room locked.

She leaned against it and knocked gently. "Harry," she called through the wood. "What's going on?"

"You're just going to ignore me?" She added after she's stood there for a few minutes and he had neither replied or opened the door.

Her patience was gone when she heard him moving about the room. She banged her fist on his door, harder this time. "Seriously?"

The door flung open and she took a startled step back at the look on his face.

"What?"

"What's going on?" She asked, trying to reign her temper in. "I thought you were going out with Pansy?"

He crossed his arms and focused on a spot over her shoulder. "I wanted to apologise for how I acted earlier, so I thought I'd catch you when you came home to change for your _date _," he sneered, "but obviously you went straight there with him. You obviously had a good time if you brought him home with you. By all means," he met her eye and waved a hand in the stairs direction, "don't let me stop you."

Hermione stared agape at him, her mouth hanging open before snapping shut. "What?"

"You obviously brought him home to sleep with." He took a step and leaned against the door jamb. "Admittedly I thought you had a little bit more respect for me than to fuck him in the living room we share but-"

He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence because her hand slapped across his face and shut him up. He glared at her, his jaw clenching as he saw tears spill down her cheek.

"You think that's what we were going to do? You actually think so little of me?" She hissed, her arms shaking with fury as her hands clenched into tight fists. She watched Harry's eyes flicker with _something _but as he continued to stare her down she realised that nothing good would come of furthering the conversation, especially when she was so upset and so she took a step back and turned in the direction of her own room.

She heard Harry's door creak and turned her head to look back at him. "Just so you know. Cormac asked if he could use our fireplace to floo home and of course I agreed because he was the perfect gentleman. Because, not that it's any of your business, but I never intended on sleeping with him." She slammed into her own room and leaned against her bedroom door in an attempt to catch her breath and only when she heard Harry's door close did she let herself cry.

* * *

She could hear Harry moving around downstairs and cursed the fact that it was a Saturday and that neither of them had to be at work. If she didn't want to hide in her room all day she'd have to face him.

And apologise.

She groaned at the thought and pulled the duvet up higher until only her eyes were peeking out over the edge of it. She'd spent most of the night sitting on her bed waiting - hoping - that Harry would come to her room but he hadn't and so she'd worked herself into a right tiss, wondering if she'd completely ruined their friendship with her inappropriate feelings and her penchant for violence. She cringed at how she'd slapped him. Only Malfoy had ever annoyed and upset her so much that she'd lost her temper and struck him but she'd been a fourteen year old girl then and as a twenty-for year old woman she _really _should have known better.

Especially when it was _Harry _that she'd struck this time.

She scowled at the door and waited for the house to go quiet before she slipped out of bed, tugged on a day dress that she'd left lying haphazardly over the chair in the corner of her room and slid her feet into her slippers before padding out of the room and down the stairs.

She stood at the bottom, waiting to see if Harry suddenly appeared when Crookshanks curved between her legs and startled her into action.

She followed him into the kitchen and stopped when she saw Harry sitting at the table eating.

"Finally emerged from your bedroom then?" He scowled, taking a bite of his sandwich and never once looking up at her. She felt like a naughty child standing before a parent.

She twisted her hands in the skirt of her dress. "I'm really sor-"

He snorted. "Don't bother."

She frowned at him and crossed her arms over her chest. "No. I was completely out of line. I'm so sorry I hit you. I didn't mean to."

He finally graced her with a glare, his jaw tense. "Yeah well. Lesson learned. I won't make the same mistake again."

She took a step forward then stopped, suddenly unsure. She felt her stomach clench and her mouth tremble. "Harry?"

"I think you should probably go and stay with your parents for a few days," he said standing from the table and making his way past her. He stopped in the doorway. "Maybe for more than a few days," he murmured before leaving the kitchen completely.

Hermione stared after him in horror before anger burst its way from her chest and she stomped after him into the living room, that _still _had the remnants from the dinner he'd prepared the night before, set up.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She demanded. "You basically slut shame me," she hissed, stepping into the room and towards him, "when you're the one who told me you were going out with Pansy. When you always have girls here. I never," she took another step towards him, poking at him with her finger, "ever comment on the parade of girls you have coming through here. Ever. And the one time - the one fucking time I bring someone home and not even for _sex _," she laughed bitterly, crying now that her anger had subsided and embarrassment had replaced it, "you make me feel like shit about it? Fuck you Harry." She poked him again. "Fuck. You."

She turned on her heel to leave when Harry caught her by the wrist, spun her into him and pressed his mouth to hers in a hard clash of teeth and tongues.

"Fuck me?" He hissed into her mouth. "Fuck you. I sat here all evening waiting for you and then when you didn't come home I couldn't stop thinking about that arsehole putting his slimy fucking hands all over you." He guided them towards the door but instead of steering them through it, pushd her up against the wall and began to nip and bite at her neck with his teeth. "I haven't slept with Pansy in months," he grumbled. "Not with anyone. Not since…" he trailed off and Hermione swallowed, glancing down at him as he tugged the neckline of her dress down and slid his tongue over the swell of her breasts.

"Not since?" She urged.

He flicked his eyes up at her and swept his hands down her sides and around the curve of her arse to lift her into his arms. He pressed his _very _prominent erection against the apex of her thighs and Hermione almost wished she hadn't bothered with knickers considering how soaked they were.

"Not since I came home late one night and heard you."

"Heard me?" She gasped out. He'd tugged the neckline of her dress down and gripped one of her tits in his hand so he could slip his mouth around her nipple. "Fuck Harry!"

"Heard you fucking this sweet little cunt of yours," he muttered, nipping at her with his teeth and cupping said cunt with the palm of his hand.

Her body blushed with mortification at the thought. Grimmauld place was old and the wards had been decayed for years. It was why the fidelius couldn't be removed and why they had to recast charms that should have lasted days, sometimes hourly. Every night she cast a silencing spell over her room but _evidently _it hadn't lasted.

Harry's voice dragged her back to reality and she rocked her hips against him, desperate for any sort of relief. He pulled back and pressed another kiss against her mouth. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. I thought…" He trailed off again, using his tongue to explore her mouth instead.

"Thought what?" She asked, tugging at the t-shirt he was wearing. He took the hint, stepped back and pulled it over his head before he tugged her own dress down until she was standing in nothing but her completely soaked knickers, nipples standing to attention as she took a second to catch her breath and he raked his eyes over her.

"Fuck look at you," he murmured, pressing his fingertips to her throat before trailing them down and over her decoletage. He cupped one breast and scraped his fingernail over the nipple and she shuddered, stepping forward and wrapping one arm around his neck.

"Thought what?" She asked again, sucking at his neck and pinching his own nipples between her fingers.

He pushed her gently against the wall again and she bit her lip in anticipation, her breath coming heavier and hitching as she watched him unbutton his jeans, step out of them and stroke his erection - hard and thick and pointing right at her. "Thought that when you saw this," he slid his thumb over the head of his cock, spreading the creamy white dollop that had gathered there and kicked his jeans away as he stepped towards her, "that you'd know."

He lifted her into his arms again and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He pressed his hips into her to hold her against the wall and with one hand, palmed her tits while the other wound its way into the curls at the back of her skull.

She smirked up at him, her eyes fluttering shut when she felt the length of him press between the folds of her cunt. "I did wonder how on earth you'd managed to send it to me on accident."

"Yeah well," he grunted, his hands slipping down to palm her arse as he lifted her slightly then slid her down the thick length of him in one quick movement. Hermione whined beneath him and he smirked down at her. "Wasn't an accident!" He grit out, his head falling forward once she'd taken the length of him. He mouthed at her neck as she settled on his cock and he simply held her there, reciting case numbers in his head in an effort not to buck up into her and simply spill himself. "You good?" He eventually asked.

"So good," she whimpered, her lips trembling. She shifted her hips and they both groaned. "Please Harry."

He nodded, his hair ticking her skin and lifted her, moving her up and over his cock before letting her slam back down, his hips thrusting up into her too.

"You are so fucking wet." She whimpered and he grinned. "So much better than my fist sweetheart."

"Harry."

"I know. Your cunt is strangling me." He gripped both of her hips in his hand and stilled her, instead thrusting up into her. "You look so good bouncing on my cock," he murmured, his eyes staring reverently at where they were joined. They flicked up to meet hers just as he moved one hand slightly and pressed his thumb against her clit. "I can't wait to see you come on it."

That was the only warning she had before her orgasm slammed into her and she became a mewling mess of sweat and limbs and come, that Harry directed over him.

"Protection?" She heard him hiss out, when she'd come back down. Harry was still thrusting into her, harder now, obviously chasing his own orgasm and Hermione felt her cunt quiver with arousal that she was responsible for the state he was in.

"Potion," she gasped, loosening her arms from around his neck. She slid them over her own skin until she was cupping her breasts, tugging her nipples with as much enthusiasm as he'd shown earlier.

"Thank fuck," he replied before he thrust one final time and then, grinding his hips into her and pressing his open mouth to hers, he came.

They stayed there, pressed to the wall and simply kissing for a few minutes before they separated. Hermione moaned and felt bereft, especially when she felt his come trickling down the inside of her thigh.

"You ok"?

She looked up and grinned. "Perfect." She took a step forward and allowed her face to become serious, even as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body into his. "Unless…." She trailed off and looked up at him from under her lashes.

His grip on her tightened around her waist. "Unless?"

"Unless you still want me to move out?"

He laughed and ducked his head, burying it in the crook of her neck. "I'm an arsehole."

She tapped her fingers on his shoulder and simply looked up at him. "Maybe?"

He sighed and pressed his mouth to hers, nudging his nose along the length of it. "The only place I want you to move is into my room."

She blinked up at him blankly before her smile took over her face. "Really?"

He nodded and lifted her, bridal style, into his arms and began the descent up the stairs, bypassing her room completely until he'd shuffled into his own and dumped her on his bed.

"Really."


End file.
